If you’ve been raising kids for any length of time, you’re well accustomed to the countless interruptions kids create. It can feel so aggravating to be just starting a task (upon writing these first two sentences, I was just interrupted, and now a second kid has entered my room.) and then have to pause or stop to respond to the interruption. Raising little people to stay alive, and healthy and nurtured requires hours and hours of love, comfort, and re-doing what’s been undone throughout the day (hello dishes, laundry, tidying, cleaning, feeding!). Yet we only occasionally get to finish what we started, and even more rare is finishing it with minimal interruptions! So yes, there’s good reason for it being the hardest and best job (interrupted again) in the world! 

When my kids interrupt me, I have to remember they haven’t done anything wrong. They are simply living life, and sometimes just want to be with me (awwww) or have a question, or are bored, or want yet another snack. They are figuring out the world as we would want them to! So when I get frustrated, it’s not fair to take it out on them. So why do I get frustrated and what can I do instead? 

Since I like learning about words, here’s a fun fact: Disruption is when something is interfered with or otherwise broken, pulled apart, and will not be the same as before. Interruption is when something is stopped, and then restarted without damage. (Quora.com)

So your interruptions may sometimes actually be disruptions, where your kid has actually created more mess and work to put back together rather than to just continue what you were doing. Interesting! 

The effect of interruption is profound. According to The Exhaustion of Interruption, “I’ve found it much harder to see things through, to be coherent. And then it becomes harder to initiate something to begin with, because it simply takes so much more effort and resolve than it used to. Research unsurprisingly reveals that tasks take longer to complete and more errors are made when a person is interrupted. Many educational approaches, including Montessori, are based on the premise that it is important to allow a child to see through an activity and not be unnecessarily disturbed. It is linked to the capacity to learn, to problem-solve, to process, to be creative. When we are interrupted it is not just that we ‘pause’ what we are doing; we actually lose our focus and frequently have to ‘start again’.”

Before I continue, I want to share a disclaimer that the following may be hard for some moms, and may even feel harsh. However, I have found success in utilizing the Authoritative parenting style, with Dr. Amen’s simply parenting advice to “be Firm and Kind” and Dr. Gottman’s parenting advice of “High Expectation and High Warmth”. So the suggestions below fit under “firm” or “high expectation”, but we moms already know LOTS about being kind and nurturing without blog posts about that; it’s how we’re wired! 

So what can we do? Mindset first - let’s remember they likely haven’t done anything wrong. Let that sink in. Ask yourself “Were they disobedient?” No? Then it’s my stuff to manage. It’s not fair to punish them for my disappointment or frustration when they are simply being kids. When we take control of managing our own stuff, we also have some control of improving our response and feelings, yay! 

Do I need to set an expectation? Do I need to set a boundary? (these are two different things, more on that in a future post!)  Some helpful expectations and boundaries I’ve established are: 

• When the door is closed, knock and wait for permission to enter. (An example of an expectation) If you don’t have locks, you may want to install them!

• When a child calls out for me from another room, I simply respond with “I’m in the kitchen (or laundry room or wherever I am)” in a pleasant, sing-song voice rather than always pausing what I’m doing and going to them, or yelling “What?!” or “Yeah?” and then proceed to unsuccessfully try to have a conversation from different rooms. (an example of a boundary - a boundary is what I will or will not do in response to something). They can learn to come find us, another life lesson about advocating and not living in a self-centered world.

• When they knock on the bathroom door, try “just a minute”, again we’re likely not going to have a great conversation through the door, but even if we could, in our world of “my way” and instant gratification, it’s a great opportunity for children to strengthen their patience muscles.  Another option assuming they’re not wondering if the bathroom is available, is simply “no knocks allowed on the bathroom door”, and you’ve decided you’re not going to respond or acknowledge the knock. Let a mom pee in peace, will ya!? There’s very few questions that cannot wait until you’ve finished using the restroom. “Can I go to the neighbor’s? Can I have screen time? Can I have a snack?” or even “Jimmy hit me. or won’t share the toy” (what are you really going to do from inside the bathroom anyway?).   

• Another option is for a Mommy Timeout. You basically communicate to your people that you are taking a timeout for X amount of time, and you cannot be interrupted unless _________ (someone is severely bleeding or there’s a fire) and if they do interrupt, the minutes start again. How does this actually look in practice? Well it completely depends on the age of your kids. For really young kids, I would recommend doing it during a nap time, and setting the older children up in their room or space with quiet time toys/activities, OR if they cannot be trusted to use this time for screens. 

The important part about the mommy timeout is to use it for your good; because we live in a world of constant noise, input, and notifications wherever we go, our brains need a chance to rest - so for most of us, that means leaving the phone off and in another room. It means doing something to refuel or simply be, to rest. Maybe that’s sitting outside, doing some breathing work, laying down and closing your eyes, listening to music, taking a shower, reading a book, painting your nails, making a friendly phone call, reading the Bible and praying, writing in your gratitude journal.  And again, do this without your phone in hand (I’m saying this for myself, too!)

You can use the mommy timeout to be productive, but then we really should call it something else. “Mommy needs to get some work done so I can’t be interrupted for ___________ minutes”. And let’s be honest, you don’t have to be an employee or have a paid job to have to need to get some work done - we know digital errands are REAL. 

Maybe you schedule your timeouts for 30 minutes, and maybe you call an audible when it’s needed; even just 5 minutes of uninterrupted time of brain rest can really make a difference! And because words and messaging matter, there are plenty of ways to name the mommy timeout to fit your family’s values, it could be mommy’s quiet time, mommy’s solitude time, mommy’s renew time, feel free to get creative!